My Beautiful Disaster (Part III)

My Beautiful Disaster

Shin Hye's Story

Date Jang Geun Suk? Did I want to date him? 

If I were a fangirl, I would say “Hell, yeah!” in a heartbeat. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? No sane girl in all of Korea would probably pass up the chance to date him. You can just ask his legion of fans to enumerate for you the top 100 reasons why you should want to date him. I would not even dare to question anything on that list. He is such an eye candy that you wouldn’t miss the chance to claim as your own.

But I'm not just a fan. He's my friend. A friend I shared this uncommon, weird, out-of-this world connection with. Or like others say -- chemistry. A chemistry that looks good on screen because it feels real off-cam.

I am no hypocrite. I feel it. I feel the chemistry -- that certain spark, between us. And it feels good. We have really been enjoying each other's company during the time we filmed the drama. He was forever teasing me, forever flirting with me. And I enjoyed all the attention he was giving me. He was really a charmer and I was not immune to it, I guess. A lot of that had been captured on cam. A lot of my enchantment, those seemingly spellbound moments I had with him was witnessed by the fans, thanks to those BTS videos uploaded online.

I could deny it, and say, “Hey look, I also share the same friendship and rapport with Hong Ki and Yong Hwa!”  Those two have also become my cherished friends, thanks to the drama. The bond I share with them is just the same with the one I have with Keun Suk-oppa.

But did their touch ever send goosebumps on my skin? Did their mere presence make me forget I was just acting the part of Go Mi Nam and not Shin Hye? Did their intent gazes awaken the sleeping butterflies in my stomach? Did they ever make me feel jealous about anything?

I will forever adore Hong Ki, even when we are both old and have grey hair. He is like a cherished playmate I met in the park. We shared so much laughter and dorky antics together that I already lost track counting them in my memory. He is like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold, winter morning. The sunshine on a cloudy day… He is that to me. But the electrifying feeling Go Mi Nam felt for Hwang Tae Kyung? It is not there. And I am so glad it doesn't exist because that means Hong Ki and I will always be the unadulterated dorky friends that we already are.

Yong Hwa is the smooth charmer everybody loves, me included. He is quiet and shy in front of the camera but off-cam, he rivals Hong Ki with his quirky sense of humor. We became close because he was just so easy to hang out with. I know some fans thought he and I can be a good match because in interviews, he always chooses me over other girls as his ideal type. But of course he would choose me. I'm the first actress he ever worked with. He's just being loyal and being very patronizing. But wait ‘til he has the chance to work with other prettier girls, then I would probably be on the bottom of his list.

Would I date Hong Ki and Yong Hwa? But of course! Anytime. My dream date with them would be to treat them to a round of soju after a nice dinner and sing our hearts out at a noraebang ‘til we drop. Let’s just see if those two idols can beat me at karaoke singing!

Do I want to date Keun Suk-oppa?

Does he want to date me?

I don't think he does. Because from what I've been hearing so far, I don't even fit his ideal type.

~0o0~

If I am nowhere near his type of girl he wants to date, then at least, his mom likes me. That means 100 points for me, right?

The first time I heard about it I thought he was just making it up. He just mentioned it once, in passing, that his mom was a fan. I just smiled then, thinking he was just acting polite, probably pulling my leg. But when he mentioned it again on TV, I came to believe him eventually. After all, I do know that if there is one thing he hates to do, it is to lie before the cameras.

His mom likes me? Enough to consult a fortune teller to ask if I would be a good match to her son? That part Keun Suk-oppa never told me and I was floored when I heard that. I was the butt of jokes at home for a few days because of that. It even got my mom thinking if she ought to consult a fortune teller too, just to confirm it for herself.

"Omma!" I cried out in embarrassment when she suggested that. Even my dad found the idea amusing. "Now that someone's mother likes you enough to consider you for her son, we won't have to worry finding you a good match later on, do we?" my dad joked.

Yes, his Omma might really like me. But...does he?

~0o0~

He is naturally playful so I did not really give any color to his incessant teasing and flirting. And being the only girl among them, it was just natural that they would pick on me most of the time, right? Even Hong Ki and Yong Hwa teased and joked with me a lot I already got immune to them.

But Hong Ki or Yong Hwa did not dare flirt with me.

This is hard because I do not really know how to tell if a guy is seeing me as more than just a friend. My faculties are not so good when it comes to that. I guess you can say I am a first-class dimwit in that aspect. Plus, will I really be that presumptuous to think that Keun Suk-oppa sort of likes me? Am I even allowed to think that?

I don’t like assuming things. I don’t jump into conclusions that fast. I need proofs to support that ridiculous thought.

Okay, yes he flirted with me a lot. But flirting is as natural as breathing to him.

We have great chemistry. But sharing chemistry with a person doesn’t mean you already like that person, does it?

He always gave me lots of attention on set. Well, we did work together so it’s just normal that we paid attention to each other.

He once asked me out to dinner…alone. Did that mean anything? Yeah, now that I remember it, didn’t he say on TV that we hit off really well during that night out?  I guess friends treat each other out to dinner all the time, right?

His mom likes me. Now, if only that can be a gauge to know his real feelings.

Aaarggh! If only I could ask my friends to figure things out with me. But of course, I can’t. What to do? What to do?

Or…maybe I’m just the only one imagining that we kind of have that spark, that magic, that bond, huh? I really could be naïve about this kind of things.

Ah, Shin Hye. Get over yourself. He is way over your league. And didn’t they say that he likes noonas?

~0o0~

“Do you think he likes me?” I ask my best friend, Mi Young. We are in my room, talking in whispers like crazy idiots, afraid my brother from the other room could hear anything.

After much deliberation, I eventually mustered the courage to summon her for her expertise on dating and confessed my growing confusion about him to her. But not after I swore her in to secrecy. “If you dare breathe anything about this to anyone, and I mean anyone, I swear I will hunt you down and exact retribution. Are we clear on that?” I told her sternly.

She sticks her tongue out to me. “Don’t get too melodramatic. The whole world already knows that you like each other. You’re hopping in to the bandwagon a little too late!” she dismisses me with a sneer.

It is the first week of the new year and we are huddled on my bed, figuring him out like crazy while snow falls incessantly outside. What a nice way to spend a snowy day --- talking about him freely with someone I trust. It is liberating, for a change.

“But let me just set one thing straight. Before we go in deeper into this matter, can I ask you one favour, Shin Hye?” she asks.

“What?”

“Can you at least say out loud, even just this once, that you like him. Blurt it out! Come on,” she tells me in mock indignation.

My eyes widen in apprehension. I shake my head. I can’t.

She laughs hysterically that I have to shut her up. “Oh, I can’t believe this. Here we are, about to dissect a guy’s psyche out, piece by piece, and you can’t even admit to yourself the reason why we are so concerned about what’s going in his head,” she shakes in uncontrollable laughter. “Seriously, Miss Park, I think you’re having it so bad. I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m not even sure I like him that way.”

She looks at me incredulously. “Then why are we wasting time to figure out if he likes you or not? Oh, seriously. I’m out of here,” she stands up, grabbing her phone on the table. “Just call me when you made up my mind, little miss clueless.”

I grab at her hand. “Mi Young! I’m serious. Help me. I can’t talk about this to anyone. Only with you,” I plead.

“I like him.” She mouths the words slowly. “Just spit it out. I. Like. Him.” She glares at me.

I nod, eager to make her stay. “Okay, okay. I do. I like him. There, satisfied?” I ask her, a part of me wanting to strangle her. She is really enjoying herself this time, tormenting me. But she is right. The words are surprisingly good to hear. I like him. It feels good to say it out loud.

She smiles triumphantly. “There. You’re officially the 67850^th girl who declared her admiration to Jang Geun Suk. It’s not that big a deal, right?” She asks with a smirk.

I hit her with a pillow. “I know. I’m just one of the statistics, right?” I ask sadly. “So what are the chances that he will like me back?”

She looks at me, studying my face. “What’s your gut-feel about this? I mean, don’t think it over, don’t over analyze. Just answer right away. Do you think he likes you?”

I sigh. “Yes.” My heart gives the answer.

She shrieks in excitement. “I think so too. I mean, after seeing all those photos and videos of you together? He’s got to feel something for you to be able to flirt that way. Even my bf thinks you’re already dating him!”

“You think so?” Her words make my little heart flutter with hope.

She nods. “He is still a guy, for God’s sake! He must feel something. You don’t flirt that way every chance you get if you don’t feeling anything. You can only do so much fan-service, silly. What you too were doing in those BTS was too much for a fan-service, if you ask me.”

I shriek in embarrassment as she parodied him licking my finger. “Stop it!”

We both laugh hysterically. I would really do anything to erase that video footage from internet memory.

Then, she asks me, suddenly remembering something. “And didn’t you say that he was worried about having a scandal with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that could be a sign that he is concerned about you. If he doesn’t care, he just can ignore and let the rumors about the both of you die down, right? But he is trying to stop it. After talking about you a lot, he just suddenly wanted to quell it. That’s kind of weird…unless he’s really starting to feel something for you.”

I look at her, perplexed. “What do you mean?”

“You know how sometimes it’s so easy to talk about things that don’t really mean anything to you? Like discussing someone else’s sad story to another, for example,” she explains. “But when that story becomes yours, suddenly you want to protect it, to hide it, to have others stop talking about it. I guess that’s one way to explain his behaviour. Suddenly, all those rumors are slowly becoming his own truth. And he wants to protect that badly.”

I stare at her for seconds, pondering her theory. Is she correct?

~0o0~

Days before the drama awards, Keun Suk-oppa had talked to me about the increasing hype we seemed to have generated from the fans. This was after I got back from my trip to Nepal and found all sort of talks about us online. Netizens were speculating about us being a real couple. They even voted us the on-screen couple they wanted to see date for real. Then there was the story about his omma and the fortune teller which further fanned the fire. We were all over the news and I was growing a little worried about all those rumors, afraid about the implication of these to both our managements.

Apparently, we were both worrying about the same thing. “First, I really want to apologize talking about how my Omma likes you on TV,” he began, calling me up one night.

I laughed at his remark. “Oppa, what is there to apologize for? I am the one thankful to your Omma for liking me. Please send her my best regards. I hope I can pay her a visit one of these days.” 

He laughed back. “Yes, do that soon. It would really make her day to meet you personally.”

I blushed at his suggestion, thankful we were not speaking face to face.

“I’m also sorry if the trip to the fortune teller story my Omma did made you uncomfortable,” he continued. “But she really did that so brace yourself for another surge of marriage rumors real soon,” he joked on the other line.

Again, my heart skipped a beat to hear him confirmed that story. “She did?” I asked, my voice a little too happy. “That was cute, Oppa.”

“Yeah. And we are a good match, would you believe that?” He chuckled, then he continued a little seriously, “But I guess I have been talking about you so much lately that I am to be blamed for all the rumors circulating around. Mianhe, Shin Hye.”

“Oppa, it’s okay,” I told him, trying to quell his guilt. “Rumors will always be there. That’s already part of the package. Don’t worry yourself too much about it.”

I heard him heaved a sigh on the other line. “Thanks, Shin Hye. But I still think I owe it to you stop the rumors from escalating into a full-blown scandal. I mean, I won’t care if it was just me. But it involves you too and I don’t want to make things difficult for you or your management.”

“So what do we do then, Oppa?”

He waited for a second before he answered. “I’ll refrain from getting to close to you in public from now on. I won’t give them enough bait to start with. So if you don’t see my face sticking close to you like it used to, don’t fret, okay? I’m just shielding you from the rumors.”

My heart felt dejected and startled by his news. “Ahrasso, Oppa. But we are still friends, right?”

He gave out a loud laugh. “Ya! Of course we are! I just want to downplay the rumors about us. I didn’t say I will stop pestering you in real life.”

My heart swelled in relief. “I guess I have to stick by Hong Ki’s side more often then,” I said. “We both are scandal-proof together.”

“Yeah, do that. Just stick with Hong Ki. Yong Hwa and I are too dangerous to be with you in public,” he warned mockingly.

~0o0~