My Beautiful Disaster (Part II)

My Beautiful Disaster

Shin Hye's Story

I have always been a private person. Something which is very hard to reconcile considering that I live in the limelight. But I have decided early on, even before I started in the entertainment industry, that I would try my best to separate my private and public lives.

I come from a normal family and I love doing everyday things with them. I know I am a public figure but there are things which I prefer to just keep for myself and the people close to me only. I lead a boring life outside the limelight anyway. If I were to broadcast my daily life in a reality show, I bet no one would even dare watch it because my life off-cam is just dull. I live practically just like any other Korean girl living in Seoul. My closest friends are those I have known since childhood. I only have few celebrity friends. I do not go to bars or clubs. During my free time, you can catch me camping out in my room, pouring my thoughts out in paper, watching DVDs, playing with our dog, learning foreign languages or pestering my brother to give me free guitar lessons which always ends up with me ordering a box of pizza just to bribe him.

My life is very normal, compared to other celebrities. I have always been a homebody. And I love it. My private life keeps me sane away from the chaos of showbiz. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. I love acting, singing and dancing. I love to entertain and I aspire to be known as one of Korea’s serious actresses someday. I take my craft seriously. It’s something I have decided to pursue early on. I have always wanted to act, to perform, to dance.

But I am a little uncomfortable with the hype that goes with being a celebrity. Sure, I enjoy the glamour, the beautiful dresses, the gorgeous make-ups, the lovely photo shoots and the thrill of walking on red carpets. I am a girl, after all. But at the end of the day, what I really crave for is just the peace and quiet of home. The normalcy of every day life, of being Shin Hye, a girl who is trying to figure how to be an adult in a world where every thing she does is magnified, blow out of proportion and every thing that comes out of her mouth is dissected, interpreted and analyzed.

I am just a girl with big dreams, too. I also make mistakes and have bad habits that are hard to break. I feel insecure, too, every now and then, and sometimes, I also throw tantrums when I’m in a bad mood. All these things I know I cannot do when I’m in the limelight. That’s why I value my life off-cam a lot more. Because behind the cameras, I can be the imperfect me.

~0o0~

I always envy celebrities who are comfortable living under the glares of the limelight. Like Keun Suk-oppa. He knows how to handle his fame and his status as a celebrity. The Jang Geun Suk everybody sees on TV is the same Keun Suk off-cam. He was really born to be in the limelight. He attracts attention and he doesn’t cower from it. He is the type who would go to downtown Seoul and blend in with the crowd without a disguise. He is that comfortable with his status.

“Why hide behind dark sunglasses when you worked so hard to get famous in the first place? We owe it to the public to at least acknowledge them when they see us. And we owe it to ourselves to live our lives like everyone else does. Just do your own thing, Shin Hye. It’s your life, anyway,” he gave me this advice once when we were talking about how to lead normal lives despite being celebrities. It was one of those talks we shared on set, filming the drama.

Yes, he waxes philosophical thoughts sometimes, intersperse with his usual clowning and teasing, of course. And it was a facet of him I like most because it reflects what he really is, deep inside. It would take a lot of time to discover that side of him, though. You have to dig deeper to find it, because often times, all he shows is just the funny, outgoing, friendly, adorable Keun Suk that everyone loves.

I adore that, too, of course. Who can resist that smile, that laugh, and that charm? But what makes me appreciate him more was the side of him he tucks in behind those sunny smiles and toothy grins. The Keun Suk I have discovered by myself, by quietly observing him and his actions. The Keun Suk not often caught by the cameras. The Keun Suk you can only see when you know him up close and personal.

~0o0~

My non-showbiz friends have been asking me if Keun Suk-oppa and I are already dating. They said photos and videos of our BTS are all over the internet and those clips just show how intimate and close we are.

“I know you are naturally sweet, Shin Hye. But come on, did he have to lick that icing off your finger? You haven’t even fed me with your own hand and we’ve been friends since pre-school,” my best friend told me over coffee, trying to let me spill my guts to her about the real score between me and Keun Suk.

I blushed at the mention of the video. I was not even aware that was caught on-cam. I guess some enterprising soul had his cam ready that moment and shared the file. When I saw it uploaded on the internet, I literally hid between my sheet covers and just stayed there for like an hour. I was that embarrassed. When he did that, of course it was just nothing. I was just trying to pull a prank on him by trying to smear icing on his face but he caught my hand mid-air so I just let him lick the icing off, pretending that it was my original intention to let him eat it. Arrrggh. I guess karma caught up with me big time. For all the world to see.

But that was sweet, right? Replaying the video for the thousandth time, it still leaves goosebumps on me every time I watch it. I will not lie. That act was really intimate and smells a little fishy if you see it. I just pray that Appa won’t get wind of the videos ever. Or Oppa. But that would be aiming for the moon.

 “We were just fooling around,” I managed to say, dodging the obvious question. It was the truth, anyway.

“Fooling around, my foot!” my best friend hissed, eyes glaring at me. “Just when did you learn how to ‘fool around’ with guys, huh? And with Jang Geun Suk!? He sure knows how to push your buttons, by the way.”

“Hey, that was just scripted. It was part of the promotions for the drama. Don’t get so excited about it. It’s nothing,” I said dismissively, trying another tactic to shut her up.

She looked at me, unconvinced. “I know it when you are telling the truth and when you are just making things up, you silly girl. And right now, I know you are just faking it.” She sized me up, waiting for me to change my mind and spill my guts. But I did not budge.

“Come on, I can be trusted. My lips are tight! So what if you two are dating? What’s the big deal? Your actions speak for the obvious, anyway,” she said, exasperated.

I shook my head. “We are just friends. Really.”

“Liar.”

I laughed. “Would I lie about something like this to you? You’re my best friend. You will be the first to know if I have Jang Geun Suk as my boyfriend. But he’s not.”

She kept quiet for a second. “But you want to date him, right?” She asked, watching my reaction.

I looked at her, surprised by her question. Do I want to date him? My mind asked a couple of times before her laughter snapped me out from my thoughts. 

“I got it, Shin Hye. Your 5-second is up. Correct answer.” She smiled knowingly.

~0o0~