Thirty Minutes

 Inspired by the recent Mook Interview (thanks Karen (of PSHIC) and friends for the translation, Mee (of PSHIC) for the spazzworthy photos), I wanted to imagine the reasons why Shin Hye was all flustered about the memory of Sukkie drunk in their karaoke cast party. Why the shyness on her and the giddiness on Sukkie? Hmmm...

Thirty Minutes

Thirty Minutes.

That’s what you told Hong Ki. Thirty minutes to make sure no one gets near you and her so you could have her for yourself even just for a short time. Before reality, career, fans, anti-fans, managers and the whole of Hallyu sweep you both away from each other again. Thirty minutes, you begged your favourite dongsaeng. Sing a song, bare your body, do whatever you want, just make sure you keep everyone busy while I talk to her, you explained to him.

“You could take all night, hyung, and they won’t even notice you two missing,” the ever optimistic idol tried to brag but you shook your head. You knew better than to trust Hong Ki with a soju glass. You even had misgivings on asking for his help not because you didn’t trust him enough but you just knew that as soon as Hong Ki reaches for his fourth bottle of beer or his sixth soju glass, he would already be a goner.

But he was the only one you could trust on this one. You could have asked Keunsama, your manager-cum-friend-cum-bodyguard-cum-shadow for his help but bless his Casanova heart, he picked tonight of all nights to watch a play with the current object of his affection. “It’s just a cast party, Keun Suk, where everyone would get teary-eyed while downing sojus and slicing cakes. You can go on your own, man. I’m booked for tonight. It’s my night off from you, pretty boy,” he told you beforehand this morning as he gave you the rundown of activities for the day. You just laughed knowing fully well that he hates cast parties because they are ‘emotionally-charged activities’ as he often says. His macho side just cringes at the sight of anything mushy and emotional that if he had his way, he would absent himself from all your activities that involve tears, doing cutesy stuff and sappy, toe-curling moments like fan meetings and cast parties.

“Dude, attending cast parties with me is part of your job description,” you reminded him, pushing your luck that he would acquiesce because you were counting on him to help you carry out your little plan.

“This is my first day off in three months. Three months, Keun Suk and you didn’t hear anything from me,” he began his guilt-trip tirade that you started to regret even asking the favour.

“Ahrasso. Enjoy your night off, punk,” you relented and quickly hung up, his triumphant laugh echoing in your ears.

That was how Hong Ki came to the rescue. You just wanted to make sure that no one gets wind of you talking to her alone tonight. Not her managers, the crew, the co-actors, the media or the fans. You wanted to protect her and yourself as much as possible. You needed someone to cover you up. And Hong Ki seemed to be the perfect choice to be the look out.

At least until soju or beer gets the better of him.

~0o0~

Your alcohol tolerance is legendary to your friends. Ask Heechul or Hong Ki and they would attest to it. It would take a whole night of drinking to intoxicate you and a harder kind of liquor than soju to make you lose your wits. You know your alcohol limit. You know what you can and cannot do when you’re drunk.

You get bolder. You can do crazy things. You can allow yourself to wear your heart on your sleeves and just deal with yourself later when you’re sober.

She doesn’t know those things about you. At least, not yet.

That’s why you choose this time to talk to her.

Today was your last shooting day for the drama. The last scene was with her and you still feel the familiar pang of sadness you felt earlier when the director shouted ‘Cut!’ for the last time. You would miss the whole cast and crew, that’s for sure.It was the most memorable and funniest project you have ever done so far in your career and it felt sad to part ways and end things abruptly just as when the people you get to work with everyday for the last three months had started to become family to you. But this is the way things are in your world. Projects come and go. People walk in and out of your life. Soon a new project will land in your lap and you will have to work with a different cast and crew again. All of these creative and wonderful people, along with the drama, will just be a beautiful memory to remember once in awhile.

But not her, a voice inside you reminds you yet again. And you grunt in agreement. Absolutely not her. She will never just be a memory. If you have your way, you want her to be a permanent fixture in your life. But exactly how will you do that, you really don’t know.

All you know for now is that you will never let this night ends without her knowing how you feel, and without you losing your sanity and dignity by doing the unthinkable.

~0o0~

She had been busy taking pictures all day, running after every one else -- from the PD to the gaffer to Hong Ki, Yong Hwa, and yes, you—to take a shot in her Polaroid camera. She laughs, skips, hops around the filming area, joking with the production staff but you know she is just hiding her sadness through her smiles, in vain.  You see it in her eyes, those wide, transparent mirrors that allow you to take a peek at her heart. “I will miss this person,” she had shyly admitted, referring to you, during one of those BTS interviews the production had been conducting to document the filming of the drama.  And this time, you feel that what she said then was real. She would really miss you, alright. But knowing her big heart, she would also probably miss the whole staff and crew along with you.

Yet something tells you now, as you follow her with your eyes as she talks with UEE in a corner, that she just might be missing you a lot more if you just hurry up and bare your intentions to her now, right this minute, before you get cold feet and you abandon your plan altogether.

Her eyes are shining as she laughs with UEE while they discuss what song to sing on the karaoke, her short bob softly framing her pretty face. She is so beautiful it sometimes frustrates you that she is still so young. Younger girls have always made you uncomfortable. They are just so innocent, so pure that you are afraid they would easily break like china if you make a mistake.

But Shin Hye has been proving all your myths about younger girls wrong. She is younger than you but she sure can be tough, especially when it comes to work ethics. She is one disciplined girl when it comes to work and your passion and devotion to your craft have been put to shame by her a couple of times already. She is a lot mature than her age. She is no primadonna, never heard her complain about anything during your filming, not even when you were barely sleeping 2-3 hours a day. She reports to work way before her call time, fully prepared, having read the script and memorized her lines. She’s bubbly and friendly. A little ray of sunshine to the cold, bleak, windy filming days you all had to endure for the drama. She has a big heart and an open mind. A beautiful person inside and out. Plus, she bickers with you, a very, very gutsy thing to do for a girl, in your book, at least. And that, you think, is what draws you towards her.

She is sexy when she trades barbs with you. So sexy it tickles your heart.

~0o0~

“I’m gonna head out for a smoke,” you tell Hong Ki and the rest of the hyungs present in the room. Hong Ki nods his tipsy head. He knows that is your cue that his role as a look out has started. Shin Hye just walked out of the room a few moments earlier, probably going to the washroom and you want to seize the chance to follow her out and ask her to talk. It is a little late. Most of the cast, their managers and the filming crew and staff have already gone home. Even Yong Hwa and UEE went ahead to attend their other commitments. All that left behind are Hong Ki, you, Shin Hye, the Hong sisters, the stylist noonas, some guys from the production, and a very drunk PD who has been belting songs in the karaoke for the past hour.

This is the perfect time to talk to her.

“Oppa,” Shin Hye says, a little startled to see you waiting in the hallway leading to where the wash rooms are.

You raise the unlit cigarette stick for her to see. “On my way for a smoke. Wanna join me?”

She locks gaze with you for a second before a smile creeps on her face. “Sure,” she nods, following your lead as you head towards the fire exit at the back of the building.

“You mind if I smoke?” you ask, remembering your manners as you both sit down on the stairs behind the fire exit door.

She shakes her head, laughing silently. “There goes another 11 minutes of your life, oppa.”

“Bo?” You light the stick and take a long drag on it.

“Smoking a cigarette reduces your life by 11 minutes, you know. That’s scientifically proven.”

You chuckle. “I’d rather have 11 minutes off my life then than freeze to death right here with you, right now.”

She scrunches her nose. “But it’s bad for your heath. And if you are cold, you shouldn’t have gone out here in the first place.”

You laugh, looking at her under the soft light overhead makes you want to grab and kiss her now before reason takes rein on you. But you restrain yourself. You don’t want to upset her.

“Just one stick for tonight. I promise,” you tell her solemnly, holding her gaze until she looks away, a faint blush on her cheeks visible under the incandescent bulb, obviously flastered.

She looks up, keeping herself busy as silence descends on the both of you. You take a few drags more on your stick, your mind frantically thinking of a smart thing to say.

“There’s a sliver of the moon peeking at us tonight,” she tells you, her finger pointing above.

You look above to admire the crescent moon, thinly veiled by clouds on the night sky. Give me guidance, give me courage, you find yourself asking the heavenly body perched at the sky. It feels ridiculous but you need all the help you can get right now.

You exhale the last smoke from your lungs and flick the cigarette butt away. This is it. If you won’t say the words now you know you will never say it to her ever.

She sits still beside you, her hands cupping her chin. “You really do the craziest things when you are drunk, don’t you, oppa?” she asks, her soft, thin voice cutting through the silence.

You laugh, knowing that she is referring to the stunt you pulled earlier in front of the cast and crew dancing and singing a popular racy song. “I’m not drunk. I just wanted to create a funny memory of me for all of you so I did the ‘Sexyback’ routine. You like it?” you tease her.

She laughs. Her eyes crinkling, full of mirth. “Two thumbs-up! It’s a shame I wasn’t able to record it on video, though. That would have been a hit online!”

You wrap your arms around her neck, giving her a mock head-lock. “Don’t you dare! That would be the death of my career!” you tell her playfully, her soft shrieks and laughter echoing in the deserted street below.

She wiggles her head away from your grasp but your hands are way too strong for her so she begins to plead. “Oppa, let me go now, please. I can’t breathe!” You set her head free but your arm stays on her shoulders as you pull her closer to you. You feel her soft, warm body beneath the layers of clothes she wears and you feel contented and happy. You want her near to you like this. All the time.

“Shin Hye,” you say her name in a whisper, afraid that someone might hear you and steal her away.

She turns her head a little towards you, your faces just barely inches away from each other. You feel the warmth of her breath on your face as she waits for you to speak. She smells of cinnamon and sugar. And you smell of nicotine, you chide yourself. Great.

You search her face, memorizing its features so you will remember how it looks like when you think back of this moment. “Hwang Tae Kyung is very sad to say goodbye to Go Mi Nam,” you mumble awkwardly. “I…I—I think you should know that.”

You witness how her eyes grow solemn and sad. “Go Mi Nam feels the same way, oppa.” She averts her gaze, bowing her head. You can feel her tremble slightly as she speaks the words.

“Tae Kyung wants to let Mi Nam know that he is thankful he has come to know her at this time.She makes him laugh, a lot. She inspires him to do better on his job. He learned a lot from her. And she makes his omma happy.” On normal days, you you will never be caught dead saying this to a girl but right now, as Tae Kyung speaks for you, with a little help from soju and the friendly moon up above, you feel happy and free saying these words to her. They are truly what you feel at the moment.

Her chin dimple greets your words warmly as she grins at you, her eyes telling you the words she can’t seem to say.

“Tae Kyung likes Mi Nam a lot,” you caress her head gently. “He thinks she is beautiful.”

It takes a few lightyears before you hear her speak. “Kamsahamnida, oppa,” she whispers, looking at you for a while before a mischievous glint in her eyes appears. “I mean, that’s what Go Mi Nam would say to Hwang Tae Kyung for the compliment.”

You smile at her warmly, caressing her cheeks with your hands. There is just one more thing to ask and you badly want the answer to this one right away. “Park Shin Hye, someday, when Jang Keun Suk will find the courage to say ‘I like you and I want to be responsible for you from now on’ …. Will you…do you think you can give him a chance?”  

You see her pupils dilate at the recognition of the words. You feel her cheeks grow warm underneath your touch. “Are you drunk, oppa?” she asks tentatively, unsure of the words she just heard.

“Ani,” you look at her squarely. “Do I have a chance?” you breathe the words.

You see confusion, awareness and truth dance in her eyes before she mouths the words. “Ne, oppa.”

You kiss her warmly on her right cheek, your cold lips meeting her flushed skin. “Komapta.”

Hong Ki is probably too wasted to bother looking for the both of you now. You don’t even know if the thirty minutes you asked him to give you is already up. But you don’t mind.

No, you  certainly don’t mind at all.