Chapter 8: Reality Bites

“You’re right. I am scared. What if I am just a passing fancy to you? What if I lose you right away? What if…? So many questions. But I guess I have to take the risks if I really want to be with you. Just like you do.”

CHAPTER 8

REALITY BITES

Shin Hye has been staring at her room’s ceiling for the past hour, sprawled in bed, sleep miles away from her mind. It has been a long day and a long night for her and her heart has been really busy. Too many emotions going on inside her she doesn’t know what to feel anymore. Oppa likes me. And my heart is so happy I can actually feel I am floating with joy. It was the first time someone she really likes actually told her he likes her, too. The world has stopped spinning since Keun Suk told her at the restaurant that he wanted to know her more. Everything happened in slow motion since then. Even her breathing. He likes her. She actually heard him said those words. She even saw the expression in his eyes. He felt his lips on her hand. It was real, right? It was not a dream. It was not a scene in a drama. This is reality.

Then why is there a big BUT hanging in your head, girl? Shin Hye thinks of Keun Suk’s smile just before he drove away and she feels butterflies fluttering inside her chest once again. So that was how it feels seeing the guy you most like in the world smile back at you knowing that he likes you, too. It felt heavenly but there are questions that are trying to dampen her euphoria right now.

The what ifs.

Shin Hye knows the realities of being in the limelight. She is aware that she is a public property, everything she does can be a piece of news. Anything that comes out of her mouth can be twisted to fit someone else’s fantasies. She lives in a world where everything can be magnified way out of proportions. She knows how that kind of reality can threaten relationships for people like her and even destroy them.

And so does Keun Suk. He lives in that kind of world, too. Which makes everything a little more complicated, she sighs solemnly in the darkness of her room. If we date, can we do it before the public eye? Knowing Keun Suk, she knows they will. Will his fans understand? Will it not hurt his career to date another actress like me? She knows his growing popularity is just starting to take off. He has a large fan base consisting of women both in Korea and abroad. And God only knows how they are going to take it if they find out their idol is already dating someone. Will they like me? Will they leave him because of me?

You are overreacting, Shin Hye, a small voice scoffs at her. Just deal with it when the problem presents itself to you. But she knows his career is more at risk than hers when it comes to having relationships and making them public. Hallyu loves an unattached male celebrity more than anything else. Only a few brave souls actually muster the courage to admit their true relationship status to the public regardless of the consequences. And only a handful of these are lucky enough to still maintain their popularity as bankable stars. She cringes at the thought of what will happen to Keun Suk if things get out of hand.

But what if Keun Suk does not have any plan of making their dating public? That would be the most logical thing for him to do. But that would hurt me to no end. She suddenly tears up at the thought. This is her first time to like a guy and be liked in return. She feels her affection towards him growing everyday. She loves his company. She wants to be with him. She wants to be acknowledged as his girl. His. She wants to let the whole world know that he likes her, that he picks her among all the beautiful girls around him. She would love that to happen. She would like him to do that.

But she knows that it would be selfish of her to ask that from him. She would like him to decide on that on his own. But she is afraid to hope. She clutches her chest and whispers to him in the dark, Oppa, are you sure you like me? It will not be easy, do you know that? Am I worth it? Are you worth it?

It is the night of the Music Awards and Shin Hye sits inside her dressing room waiting for him. Her part of the show has already been concluded and she has already changed to warmer and more comfortable clothes, finally getting rid of the black dress she wore in presenting an award with Yong Hwa. That has been her last part for the show but Keun Suk is still out there hosting, and hopefully wrapping it up already for the finale, she prays as she checks her watch.

Hosting the second part of the show with him has been a great experience. Their spiels, especially her entrance, had been received well by the fans and that boosted their confidence to do their jobs well. They were both happy to be together on stage and she knew it registered well with the audience. They were having fun, especially Keun Suk who couldn’t help to tease her even in front of the audience. She was not really prepared to sing at all tonight but because of his prodding she was forced to. And he even picked the wrong song! That was not her song in the drama. She never performed it at all. No wonder she messed up the lyrics. But the fans didn’t seem to care at all, did they? Thanks to him and his charms.

Just after she made her exit in the second part, Keun Suk told her that he would like to drive her home after the awards. “But that would mean waiting for me to finish it,” he explained. But he said he would really like to be with her before she leaves for Nepal tomorrow and could she be so kind to grant his wish for tonight? Who could say no to a disarming smile like his?

He even went on his way to tell her manager about it which naturally drew questioning stares from him and her stylist. But Shin Hye was not prepared to explain things to them yet so she just gave them a shy smile and pretended that it was just the most natural thing in the world for her to wait for Jang Keun Suk in a dressing room in the middle of an awards show.

“I can actually see the words SCANDAL written both on your faces just now,” her manager tells her in mock sarcasm as he left her alone. She gave him a timid hug to hide her embarrassment.

She hears a knock on her door then a head appears. “Shin Hye-ssi?” It is Manager Lee. She bows down in acknowledgment. “Let me accompany you to the van waiting at the parking lot. Keun Suk will be with you shortly. He just wanted to meet his fans for a while,” his manager explains.

Shin Hye suddenly feels shy before his presence. Like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she wonders on what he must be thinking right now. Does he know about her and Keun Suk? Does he like her for him? She bites her lips anxiously.

“I made you wait for almost an hour!” Keun Suk admonishes himself when he finally settles down in the van beside her.

She feels relieve to see him at last. “It’s okay. Where is Manager Lee?” she asks him when the van starts to move.

“He brought his own car with him,” he explains. “Ah, I’m starving after all that excitement. Can we eat first before I see you home?”

She nods, her eyes shining with amusement. Now that they are seeing each other in a new light, she half expected him to treat her a little more awkwardly than before but after last night, he regards her no differently like he normally do. His gazes may be gentler and longer, his smiles a little more intimate but he is still the Oppa he knows. No putting his best foot forward. No sugar coating. He even just made himself more comfortable with her, actually. And that suits her just fine.

It still amazes her how they really became so comfortable together like they have known each other for years. ”Because of that deep kiss we shared,” he would tease her whenever people asked how comfortable their relationship was on the set of the drama. He was of course referring to the CF they made together. But they both know that was not the reason. They just clicked.

“Let’s stop for awhile at a drive through, please,” he tells the driver. “I have to show you a place I usually visit when I want to be alone. And the best time to visit is at night or early morning. The best place to eat a take-out dinner, too,” he explains to her.

“Bukak Skyway?” she guesses.

His eyes widens, surprised. “How did you know that?”

“Everybody goes there, oppa,” she jokes. “But I go there, too, when I want to clear my thoughts.”

“You’ve never been there with me,” he says matter-of-factly. She looks at him, not surprised to see laughter in his eyes.

“You bet.”

She looks at the panoramic view of the city below them and closes her eyes. Coming here never fails to de-stress her mind of all her worries. But until tonight, being here never gave her the happiness she feels right now, standing close to him. The most beautiful view in the city with her most favourite guy in the world – what else could she ask for?

“Can you keep a little secret?” Keun Suk asks her, his eyes fixed at the twinkling lights of the city below.

“Certainly,” she says, raising her pinkie finger. He laughs.

“When I miss someone I like, I don’t literally tell that person that I miss her. I find it too cheesy to do that,” he begins. “I have my own subtle way of telling I miss you.”

She furrows her brows in curiosity. “What?”

“I do weird things to catch her attention.”

“Like what?”

He tousles her hair. “You will find out soon enough.”

Thankful that the darkness can hide her blushing cheeks, she nods her head and quietly says, “Ok.”

“Can I ask you a question, Oppa?” she musters the courage to speak. Let me be bolder tonight, she asks the stars silently.

“Only if you will let me hold your hand,” he says, reaching for her hand. He laces his fingers with hers which momentarily clouds her mind.

His hands are cold from the chilly air. “Are you…I mean, have you…Do you really want to date me?” the words come out a little incoherently.

He opens up her palm and starts to write with his finger, “Yes”.

“Privately?”

He arches his eyebrow. “Not telling the public, you mean?”

She nods.

“Do you want me not to?”

“It would be logical for you not to tell them,” she reasons out. I will try to understand.

He looks at her face probingly. “Do you want to date me, Shin Hye?”

She bites her lip at the question, momentarily taken aback. “Yes,” she whispers softly, locking her gaze with his.

He creases his forehead. “Why?”

She blushes even more. “Because I like you, too, Oppa. I want to be with you.” It feels great to finally admit it.

His face lights up in a warm smile. “Then I guess we will have to do it your way. What do you think?”

“I would like us to be honest with everyone, Oppa,” she says in a quiet voice. “But in the world we live in, too much honesty can sometimes bring more harm to us than good.”

He nods in agreement, reading her thoughts. “Then let’s not deny or confirm anything. What they see is what they get. Let them guess and speculate. They won’t hear any confirmation from us. At least not for now.”

“How about what you really want, Oppa?” she asks, knowing that he has not told her yet what he wanted to do.

“If you were not Park Shin Hye, I would not be worrying much whether everybody knows I am dating you or not. I don’t care much on what everyone else is thinking. But you are not just some nameless girl in the crowd. I have to protect you as much as you’d like to protect me,” he tells her, stroking her head tenderly.

Her heart is already bursting in small happy pieces but she has to ask one more question. “Oppa, how will I know that you will miss me for the next six days?”

He ponders on her question for a second before answering her in the poker face she has grown to love. “Maybe I’ll get a perm just to crack you up.”

And before she can burst out in laughter, he swoops in for that much-awaited deep kiss. A real kiss, this time.

~0o0~

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As much as I love writing my imagined love story for JGS and PSH, I guess I will have to end their story in my mind right here. Just like in real life, I want to stop telling their story right at the time their love story together as a couple begins. I believe in their chemistry. I hope they are dating or will eventually end up together for real. But if not, then once upon an imagined time in my mind, at least, they really did.

To my fellow fans who have been reading my fanfic, thank you for enjoying the ride with me. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Nothing is impossible. Nice meeting you here, guys! See you around!