This is a part of a collaboration I did with my fanfic partner, earthprincess, for the piece we submitted for the ANJELL FM in Japan. Now that the madness is over, I think it's now okay to share. Read this with this. Kamsahamnida.
Fan Letters
June 10, 2010
10 PM
Rehearsal Room
Dear신혜,
I write this with mouth slightly agape as I watch you dance. You move and my eyes follow your body in a trance. Have I told you that you remind me of a swan? Not only when you dance but just about every time you move, act and talk. Your body is graceful, your moves precise, in sync with the rhythm, in rhyme with the beat.
I look at your reflection in the mirror and laugh, you have been practicing the same routine nonstop for an hour and still your focus hasn’t faltered one bit -- one of the reasons I am drawn to you. You are dedicated and passionate with just about anything you set your eyes on and you inspire me each time I work with you. Like with this fan meeting in Japan.
It excites me to share the same stage with you again, Shin Hye-ah. Since the SBS Awards night last year, we haven’t got the chance to share the limelight until now and it thrills me to no end to face the fans of the drama with you and only you. Oh, I know, I know, A.N.JELL won’t be the same without Shin Woo and Jeremy. But those pretty boys are so busy with their idol lives that we just have to make do with the both of us. And who is complaining? I most certainly am not.
Oh yeah, I am with you when you said you missed Hong Ki a lot these days. The boy has been busy practicing how to properly sing Japanese songs with his band, so I heard. And Yong Hwa…well your Bolmae Jung has been busy dominating the airwaves yet again with his dongsaengs, right? And maybe a little caught up charming SNSD’s maknae, you know, that tall girl who loves to eat sweet potatoes? I guess you should stop worrying about him being sick now. He’s being taken care of, I am sure.
So, no, I don’t think Shin Woo and Jeremy will be in Japan to defend you from Tae Kyung’s advances this time. Haha.
Are you afraid of me, Shin Hye? Because I think I should be the one who should be scared…scared that you might slip from my grasp as easily as you have charmed your way to my heart. You are a joy to work with and you always magically lure people to your web effortlessly. I have lost track of the guys who have sworn their fascination about you. Yes, I have been keeping tab and I am not sure I like what I have been seeing so far. But that keeps me on my toes, gives me more reason to focus on you more so I think that’s a good thing.
I am blabbering again, I know. And yes, you’re right, if I don’t watch it, I think I will lose on our bet come fan meeting day. I don’t think I will be able to keep my eyes and hands off you onstage. I don’t think I can stop myself from saying embarrassing things about you on that day either. I will probably lose it, Shin Hye. I just know it.
You know why? Because as I sit cross-legged on the floor watching you dance, sweat, laugh and smile, I feel right at home and it scares me a bit. It scares me because I have never felt so at home like this with any girl before. I wait for you to catch my eyes and hope for a smile in return, feeling like a lovesick schoolboy ogling his crush from afar. I am done for.
So, yes, this coming fan meet, please do me a favor will you? Bring out the Hwang Tae Kyung in me. You know, the guy who doesn’t do or say mushy things, even at gunpoint. I need to channel that guy again, Shin Hye. And be Go Mi Nam, the girl who hiccups at the very sight of me. I missed that girl. I miss seeing that girl in you.
Let’s go back to our favorite roles once more – the characters that led us to each other.
Five years ago, I lost a friend the way Park Yong Ha's friends lost him a few days ago. I remember feeling lost and confused with all the questions left unanswered. I remember being scared, of frantically reminding myself and my other friends that there are a million reasons to live,not end, life. I wanted to channel those feelings through this fic. And yeah, suicide might be too serious for a fanfic you might say, but I lived through what my friend did and the only sane thing that blossomed from such tragedy was the realization that love is really all you need to live and appreciate life. Nothing else matters. Only love. It sustains you, even through the most tragic of circumstances, such as death.
Solitude
From a few meters away, you can see her sitting solemnly on a bench, hair tucked neatly in a red beanie, something you previously owned, you note with a smile. She wears her hair long nowadays and you love it when it just falls freely on her shoulders like a silk veil, taunting your senses, giving off a faint vanilla scent that you love so much. But for tonight, as part of the drill when you meet in public places such as Cheonggyecheon, she neatly ties her hair in a ponytail under your old, trusty beanie, in an attempt to be incognito.
Cheonggyecheon at 11 in the evening is a place of serenity. You can hardly hear the traffic on the street 15 feet above. All you can hear are the soft murmurs of the water from the stream and the small waterfalls around. It is perfect for people like you who want to avoid attention. A few couples are walking at a leisurely pace, some people stroll alone deep in their own thoughts, and others, like Shin Hye, sit peacefully on the stone benches, eyes on the sparkling water illuminated by the lights, as if on a trance.
But you know why she is in a pensive mood tonight. Her silhouette radiates a sadness you can understand. It is the reason you asked her out to meet you despite your busy schedule. You want to see her at times like this. You need her as much as she needs you. Maybe even more.
“That beanie looks good on you,” you say softly, sitting beside her, adjusting your cap to a comfortable angle. She looks up with a ready smile that fails to hide the clouds in her eyes.
Touching up her head self-consciously, she gives a small laugh. “It feels comfortable, oppa. It covers my head snugly. Not too large, just enough for a cover up.”
You smile, your eyes feasting on how her round eyes reflect back the lights around you. “I’d still recognize you, though, even from afar,” you say, patting her head affectionately, “because of this beanie.”
She lets out a small chuckle then bows her head silently. You let your hand linger on her shoulder a little longer, savoring the silence with her.
Then she speaks gently to the wind. “The water is pretty with the underwater lights on, right, oppa?” She points to the stream before you. “Everything looks beautiful in the limelight. Everybody gets attracted to the light.”
You nod, following her gaze. The LED lights in the fountains and in the stream indeed add charm to the place.
“Like we do,” she adds in a whisper, sadness coating her words. “But when the lights are turned off, nobody really cares about the water anymore, what goes underneath, except for maybe a few. The imperfections carefully tucked away, shoved under the surface…just because the water is not really beautiful when it’s pitch dark.”
You turn to look at her, studying her profile. “But as you said, there are still a few who would really care, Shin Hye. And that is all that matters. That is all we need.”
She nods absently. “When I think of sunbaenim, I hope I was there for him, oppa. I hope he felt that somebody was there for him, at all cost. Maybe it could have changed his mind. Maybe…” she trails on, sadness weighing her every word.
You reach out to hold her hand. It is warm and it fits yours perfectly, comfortably. “We all feel that way, Shin Hye. But he made a decision. I’m sure it was a painful choice to make.”
She turns to you, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Oppa, promise me one thing?” she asks.
You hold her gaze for a few seconds, giving her your answer before your mouth moves to say the word, “Anything.”
“Don’t lose me,” she breathes, her voice shaking. “Find me even when the lights are off. Find me in the dark, search for me when I’m lost. Even when I say everything is okay, when you feel that I am not, please don’t believe me. Even if we are no longer together, even just as friends, don’t lose sight of me. I promise I’ll do the same.”
You see the fear in her eyes, hear the alarm in her voice and you forcefully swallow the lump in your throat as you reach out to caress her cheeks gently. “Ya,” you scold her, attempting to be playful, “That’s a given. I will never lose you. I promise.”
This is the first time you see her vulnerability up close. She is still shaken by the sad news, you can see that. You were, too. Everybody was, or still is. But as you hold her in your arms tonight, as you listen to her long-drawn sighs, as you feel the frantic beating of her heart, it dawns on you that this is the first time she has verbalized her need for you.
“I can easily pick you out in a crowd. Of course, I can always find you,” you assure her, pulling her close to you, letting her head rest on your chest. “I will always remind you that life is beautiful. I will relentlessly try to make your life more interesting. And, down the road, if we will ever go our separate ways, whenever you feel lost, look back to this moment and think of my promise. If you ever feel lost, know that someone will always be willing to find you. That would be me.”
“The lights can do tricks to the eyes, oppa,” she answers slowly. “Just like how fame can fool the best of us. But when the lights go off, when the applause dies down, the heart can feel empty and the soul can feel alone. We need to be reminded that we are never alone. That there is always a reason for us to be here.”
You lean back to catch her eyes. Twitching your lips to a goofy grin, you tell her, “You’re one of the reasons why I love being here.”
The tears that have been threatening to flow finally escape from her glistening eyes. She shyly brushes them with her hand. “And this pretty face will always remind me that I am blessed,” she stares back at you, her heart on her sleeve.
You feel your ears burn at her sincere words, rendering you speechless for a moment. All you can do is bring your lips to her temple and kiss her solemnly.
Yes, life will always be wonderful, you tell yourself. And someday, on your last curtain call, when your own star has finally dimmed, when the applause of the fans and the shrieks of the crowd are all but a wonderful memory, you know you will never feel empty. Your life would never be a waste.
Because once upon a time, on a starry, summer evening, a beautiful girl clung to you with tears in her eyes, poured her heart out and said she needed you. She asked you to find and never lose her. She let her guard down. She made you feel needed and wanted.
My favorite people are back. So they really did meet in Japan, eh? Minus my bias, Yong Hwa, who I knew was back in Korea by Sunday for a show in Busan, his hometown. Too bad. Then days later, the 3 of them, YH, SH and KS had to show up at PYH's wake to pay their last respects. It was a sad event. I don't even know if they were there at the same time. Hong Ki wasn't able to go as he stayed behind in Japan (but per his Cyworld update, he was really devastated, too, of the sad news). But this fic is a happy one, don't worry. Here's Hong Star, Bolmae-Jung and KS2H.
Rendezvous
“Watch the sake, Hong Ki. This is not Seoul. I’m not going to take responsibility for you, ahrasso?” Jang Keun Suk glares at the goofy FT Island vocalist as he tinkers with his camera, prepping up to take some pictures of him, Shin Hye and Hong Ki. It takes a miracle to even get them three in one room all at the same time and he is not going to let this moment pass without capturing it in pictures.
“Wae, hyung?” Lee Hong Ki pouts, his face full of pretend innocence. ‘I’m not even touching that tonight. I don’t need another hang-over to haunt me in the morning. I’m going to get kicked out of the dorm, I’m sure.”
Click. Keun Suk discreetly captures the pout on Hong Ki’s face with his camera.
“Ah,” Park Shin Hye plays along, an amused smile on her lips. “So is this plain water, then?” She picks up the half-full sake glass in front of Hong Ki and smells it. “Cute. You drink water from sake glasses now? Aww, you are assimilating well with the Japanese,” Shin Hye says, deadpan.
Hong Ki throws her a sneer. “Aissh, so you are ganging up on me now? I should have known better than show up here with the both of you. Yong Hwa was right, we should show up in meetings like this together so we can level the playing field. I’m no match against you two!”
Click.
“Ah, tell Yong Hwa to show his face to us first before giving unnecessary comments like that,” Keun Suk says dismissively, distracting Hong Ki’s attention from his camera. “Where is that guy anyway? I thought the four of us could finally meet here in Japan. I’ve even purposedly stayed longer just to have a chance to bond with you guys.”
“Hyung, stop making up stories. We both know why you decided to stay longer,” Hong Ki says, his eyes glinting with malice as he looks at Shin Hye.
Shin Hye throws him an innocent look but her sparkling eyes are a dead giveaway that makes Hong Ki smirks proudly.
“Shin Hye-yah, are you drunk? Why the red face?” he rubs it in, enjoying his prank.
“Stop annoying her, Hong Ki,” Keun Suk warns playfully. “Or I’ll post all your awkward pictures in the last ten minutes online.”
“Ya! Don’t you dare, hyung!” Hong Ki tries to wrestle the camera out of Keun Suk’s hands unsuccessfully.
“Ya! Who are you calling Ya, dongsaeng?” Keun Suk asks forcefully, power-tripping over his hoobae.
“Don’t post it on your official site, please hyung!” Hong Ki begs, his mouth drawn to a pitiful pout. “The Primadonnas will never look at me the same way again if they see how dorky I am offcam.”
“Hey, you have already shamed yourself a lot with that homeless picture, Hong Ki,” Shin Hye deftly throws a punch. “Another set of embarrassing photos will no longer matter much to your fans. Trust me,” she says sweetly.
Hong Ki looks at his two friends helplessly and absentmindedly curses Yong Hwa and his darn schedules. “Hyung, don’t post it on Twitter, please,” he whines. “And don’t you dare post it on your Me2day,” he warns Shin Hye with his eyes.
“I have no Twitter account, you punk,” Keun Suk glares at him, pouring himself a glass of sake.
Hong Ki heaves a sigh of relief which immediately evaporates into thin air when he hears Keun Suk quips evilly, “So maybe I’ll ask Heechul hyung to post these on his account.”
Shin Hye giggles triumphantly. Hong Ki whines louder only to be interrupted by the ringing of his phone.
Picking up, he mouths “CN Blue’s manager-hyung” to his two friends. Keun Suk arches his brow while Shin Hye’s eyes twinkle giddily. “Yong Hwa!” she shouts excitedly, her girly voice filling up the private booth they shared.
“Yobosaeyo?” Hong Ki greets as he presses the loudspeaker button.
“Yobosaeyo, Hong Ki-yah? It’s Yong Hwa,” a soft, low voice crackles out of Hong Ki’s phone.
“Ya, you punk! Why call only now? I’ve been waiting for your call all day!” Hong Ki snaps at him, venting his annoyance to an unsuspecting Yong Hwa.
“Yong Hwa!” Shin Hye calls out again, grinnig from ear to ear.
“De? Shin Hye-ssi?” Yong Hwa asks excitedly. “Annyeonghaseyo!” Then he answers Hong Ki with an apologetic tone, “I know I said I’d call sooner but we just got back from taping a show. Besides, you said you would call me first when you’re already with Keun Suk-hyung and Shin Hye-ssi. You never did, man.”
“Shin Hye-ssi?” Shin Hye interjects, a little taken aback. “So are we on formal terms now, Yong Hwa-ssi?”
Yong Hwa laughs on the other line. “Aniya, Shin Hye-yah,” he shifts to non-formal language quickly. “It’s just that it has been a while since we talked. I am not sure if you still want to talk to me after such a long time. Mianhe,” he explains contritely.
“Bogoshipo!” Shin Hye exclaims, ignoring Keun Suk’s discreet little glance at her.
Yong Hwa chuckles shyly. “I missed you, too.”
“Well I don’t miss you, you little devil!” Keun Suk’s voice booms. “You’re practically everywhere but how come we can’t even be granted a meeting with you? Are we even friends now?” he asks, the warmth in his voice belying the sharp accusations he throws at Yong Hwa.
“Keun Suk-hyung!” Yong Hwa calls out, giving an embarassed laugh. “Aigoo, I know I owe you guys a lot this time. The ANJELL Fan Meet, this dinner, aissh, but what can I do hyung? I have to work. Ya, Hong Ki, didn’t you tell them why I have to get back to Korea immediately after our concert?”
Hong Ki shrugs, thinking quickly what he forgot to tell. “I told them you have shows lined up. That’s it, right? Is there any other reason?”
Yong Hwa clucks his tongue. “I knew it. You were not listening when I was telling you about it, right? Anyway, hyung, Shin Hye-yah, we had to get back because we had to do a show in Busan. And it was really important for me and Jonghyun to perform there. It was our first time to perform before our parents and friends. I just couldn’t miss the chance,” he explains.
“Hong Ki didn’t tell us that!” Shin Hye tells on Hong Ki, wagging her finger at him. “It’s good to know you performed before your parents for the first time. They must have been so proud of you.”
“Oh, is that so? Well, for a second there I thought you were just ditching ANJELL for CNBLUE,” Keun Suk jokes.
“Ahrasso, it’s my fault again then,” Hong Ki throws a mock tantrum. “Naega, naega, naega! It’s always mine, anyway.”
“Don’t put words into my mouth, punk. I’m not blaming you for anything. I just wish you can learn to listen well when I’m talking to you,” Yong Hwa cuts him off. “And hyung, I will always be a part of ANJELL of course. I’m still gearing up for another chance to perform with you three again. I hope my schedule clears up pretty soon so I can come and play with you, too.”
“In your dreams,” Hong Ki snorts sarcastically. “The rate things are going, you guys will only have a break by next year,” he teases. “Your manager told ours, that’s how I know.”
“Stop bursting his bubble, Hong Ki!” Shin Hye tags his baseball cap. “Oh, maybe with the next FM, if it pushes through, we can reunite again onstage. The four of us,” she tells Yong Hwa hopefully.
“How are the nosebleeds going, Hong Ki? Nihongo wo hanashimasu ka?” Yong Hwa grabs a chance to irritate Hong Ki. Do you speak Japanese?
“Don’t start with me, dude. Your Japanese is as awkward as mine,” Hong Ki points out, irritated.
Yong Hwa laughs out loud. “I missed you, too, punk. I’m sorry I missed hanging out with you last time when the boys watched the World Cup game with FT Island.”
“You sound tired, Yong Hwa. Are you even getting enough rest?” Shin Hye points out.
“Don’t overwork too much. Play a little,” Keun Suk reminds him.
“De, hyung,” Yong Hwa replies back. Muffled sounds interrupted his speech. The faint sound of screaming fans can be heard from the background before Yong Hwa speaks again. “Ah, hyung, I’m sorry but I have to go now. We have just arrived at our next gig. Shin Hye-yah, I’m really sorry I haven’t been in touched for awhile,” he apologizes profusely.
“Ani, ani. I understand. I know you are very busy. I hope to see you soon. Soonest, if that’s even possible. I’d like to ask for an autograph,” she teases with a sweet laugh.
“Ah, you are being very kind. I hope to see you soon, too. All of you. Take care and come home safely,” he bids them goodbye. “And Hong Ki, I’ll see you around, ahrasso? Go easy on the sake. Annyeong!” Then he hangs up.
“Hai,” Hong Ki answers back cheekily which makes Shin Hye rolls up her eyes at him.
“Seriously? How Japanese can you get?” she jabs at him playfully.
Keun Suk rolls into a laugh. Hong Ki shoves down a piece of meat into his mouth. With his mouth full, he starts to whine again at Shin Hye. “Will you two stop ganging up on me? I’m already tortured enough being a third wheel here. Can you at least give me some time to enjoy my dinner in peace?”
“Ah, Hong Ki. Stop being a drama king,” Shin Hye reaches out to pinch his cheek. “No one’s ganging up on you and who says you’re a third wheel? You’re not!” she winks at Keun Suk.
“I saw that wink!” Hong Ki accuses like a child robbed of his favourite toy. “Oh please. Stop being so cheesy. Hyung, I know you two are dating but must you rub it on me? Do you have to?” He gulps down another glass of sake.
“Pabo-ya! We’re not rubbing it on you. You’re just hallucinating,” he grabs the empty sake glass away from Hong Ki, “Or you’re getting drunk. This is not water, Hong Ki. Stop drinking it like one.”
“I’m not drunk. And this sake tastes sweet. It’s harmless,” he goofily grins at them. “But I have to admit, you two really look good together. I suddenly miss my favourite noonas.”
“Noonas? Are we talking about a lot of girls here?” Shin Hye asks curiously, her brows shooting up the ceiling.
Hong Ki gives her a toothy smile. “Secret.”
“You disgust me, Hong Ki,” she says in jest.
“Hey, they are just my fans. I can’t possibly have just one noona fan,” he tries to cover up his blunder.
“So you are dating your fans now? Sink lower, Hong Ki. There’s still plenty of room.”
Hong Ki gives a nervous laugh. He looks at his hyung, silently asking for redemption.
Keun Suk pretends not to notice, aiming the camera lens at him instead. “Ya, hyung!” Hong Ki covers up his face frantically. “Stop making an album out of my embarrassing photos!”
Then he turns to Shin Hye who has been eyeing him quizzically. “I was talking about my ex-girlfriend, Shin Hye. Who happens to be a noona. There, satisfied? Can I eat in peace now?”
“Don’t play with people’s hearts, Hong Ki. Don’t use that pretty face to hurt people’s feelings,” Shin Hye tells him solemnly.
“I don’t. I swear,” he stares at her squarely. “Seriously now, you actually think I have the time to date with this schedule I have? I don’t! I’m not a superhuman like that punk Yong. Besides, I haven’t met a girl I really like yet. So I’m okay.”
“Yong Hwa is dating someone?” Keun Suk asks, incredulous. “With that killer schedule? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Hong Ki shakes his head. “You didn’t hear it from me. My lips are sealed. You should ask him yourself. He will kill me literally if he knew I spilled out his secret.”
“Jeongmal? Who’s he dating?” A curious Shin Hye asks proddingly.
“Well, I’m glad it’s not you,” Keun Suk can’t resist to quip which earns him a gentle shove from Shin Hye.
“Oppa! It’s not funny anymore. Stop it,” she admonishes.
Hong Ki rolls his eyes for the nth time that night. “Come on, hyung. Your jealous streak over Yong and this girl is really getting old,” he motions to Shin Hye. “Can’t you see they are just friends?”
Keun Suk laughs, embarrassed. “I know, I know. I just can’t resist it sometimes that you seem to share a connection even from the start.”
Shin Hye sighs exasperatedly. “Oppa, apparently, it turns out, our connection is more potent. Or has it not occurred to you yet?” she pouts, her forehead creases almost involuntarily. “My connection with Yong Hwa is just as potent as my connection with this dork,” she points at Hong Ki. “But not as special as my connection with you,” she whispers almost inaudibly, aware of Hong Ki’s presence.
“Kyaaah! Omo! Are you having a lovers’ quarrel before my presence? Oh please, spare me the kiss-and-make-up, okay? I can’t stand it,” Hong Ki laments, scared.
Keun Suk taps Hong Ki’s head, pulling his cap down to hide his eyes. “De, I know that. I’m sorry, I was just playing cute,” he tells Shin Hye with a smile.
“I still can hear you!” Hong Ki protests.
“Deal with it, kid,” he pulls the cap over Hong Ki’s eyes even lower as his free hand reaches out to cradle Shin Hye’s head, pulling it closer towards him.
Then, tenderly, almost reverently, he plants a kiss on her forehead as Shin Hye closes her eyes. “Mianhe, Shin Hye. Komapta. Saranghae.”
Hong Ki flails his arms helplessly, head still buried in Keun Suk’s hand, as he catches Keun Suk’s words. “You have no shame, both of you! Really!” he gags, oblivious to the magical moment unfolding before his very eyes.
It is Yong Hwa's birthday today, the 22nd of June. And I just saw hilarious pictures of Hong Ki on Twitter. Then Shin Hye just playfully made a jab at Yong Hwa on a recent video interview, hinting that she's been missing her beloved Shin Woo. And well, there's the Japan ANJELL FM this week...so it's ANJELL week right now, eh? I miss them a lot. And oh, give some love to Seo Hyun, will you? :)
Reunions
"Is he even coming?" Shin Hye asks impatiently to a yawning Hong Ki who is slouching beside her on the table, bobbing his familiar blond hair with the music blaring from his headphones.
"Bo?" Hong Ki asks back, putting down his headphones to catch what she is saying.
"Pabo-ya! First time we're meeting in months and you can't even give your full attention to me!" She pouts, swatting his arm playfully.
"Ahrasso, ahrasso! I'm putting it down now. I'm just listening to a Japanese song I have to sing in the album," he smiles shyly, a little chastised. "Japanese makes my nose bleed every thirty seconds!"
Shin Hye laughs despite her impatience. Hearing Hong Ki cracking up jokes after their friendship suffered a long hiatus is making her giddy tonight. How she has missed this dorky, adorable guy! She can forgive his little insensitivities anytime. Now, if only Bolmae-Jung is already here, her happiness will be complete.
"Yong Hwa. Are you sure he is coming?" she asks again. She and Hong Ki have been waiting at the small cafe for half an hour now and Yong Hwa is supposed to join them for a surprise birthday party he didn't know about. She glances nervously at the buffet table laden with food and drinks, afraid that her little preparation would all be spoiled because Hong Ki messed up with his task to get busy idol boy Yong Hwa to meet with him for a few drinks. Supposedly.
"He is! I'm sure of that. He gave me his word. I've checked with his manager-hyung. His schedule has been cleared for tonight. I have checked with Jong Hyun too and he said they don't have any gigs scheduled for tonight either. So he has to be here, not anywhere else."
Shin Hye eyes Hong Ki skeptically. "What did you tell him exactly, blondie?"
"I said Sukkie-hyung and I are treating him for a round of drinks for his birthday! That's what we planned, right?"
"Did you specifically tell him the place, the time and that Sukkie-oppa won't accept no for an answer?" she grills him a little more.
"De!" Hong Ki says, fishing for his phone in his pockets. "I told him he's not gonna see the sun rise on the 22nd if he ditches us for anything else!"
She laughs at him. "Ya! That's morbid, Hong Ki-yah. It's his birthday, be nice to him!"She admonishes.
Hong Ki's eyes turn to slits as he pauses from dialing on his phone. "Times like this, I really can feel where your loyalty lies, Shin Hye-ssi. And it's not with Sukkie-hyung, that I am sure of."
She jabs him with chopsticks. "Oh don't start again, please. Coz I know where your loyalty lies, too," she banters back.
"My loyalty lies with you, of course!" he snaps back with a poker face. "Among the three of you, it's only natural that I will side with you, no questions asked. You're the girl, after all."
Shin Hye smiles at him warmly. "Aww...since when did you learn how to sidle up to girls so smoothly like this?"
He smirks. "Yong Hwa! That guy is a smooth criminal, I tell you. His weapon is his sweet words. He's got a bagful of them!"
She giggles in acknowledgment. "Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. I always knew that guy has some pretty deadly charms buried down somewhere in those timid looks."
"Which reminds me to dial his number now," he says, dialing up. "I've got a feeling that country bumpkin got lost on his way here."
Shin Hye shakes her head in amusement.
"Ya! Where are you now? Are you lost?" Hong Ki asks as he connects with Yong Hwa on the phone. "Bo? Still in a cab?...What's taking you so long?...Sinchia?! You’re not pulling my leg, are you, dummy?I knew it! Aigoo…You sneaky punk...Get your shameless butt here before I walk out on you…Pali, Pali! Yeah, the cafe near the mall. You can't miss it…We've been here before, pabo-ya!...Yes, five minutes. I'm giving you five and I'm out of here. Hyung is already pissed!" Hong Ki threatens then hangs up, laughing.
"Where is he? Is he coming?" Shin Hye asks curiously.
"That punk!" Hong Ki is beyond himself, smirking like crazy, shaking his head in disbelief. "I knew he would do this. I just knew he would. Hee Chul hyung and I were just discussing the possibility last time. But I was skeptic at first...but that little devil...aisssh! What a sleazy punk!" He blabbers incoherently almost to himself.
"Hong Ki! Stop the gibberish! Is Yong Hwa coming or not?!" Shin Hye asks in exasperation. "Sukkie-oppa is arriving any minute with the cake. I don't want to waste his efforts in buying that cake for someone who's not coming!"
"Who's not coming?!" A familiar voice booms from the doorway as Shin Hye turns to it with a ready smile. Keun Suk comes in balancing a large box on his hands. "If Yong Hwa is not coming, I swear I'm going to bad mouth him to all the idols I know starting tonight!" He threatens, putting down the box on the table.
"Aniya. He is on his way here, hyung. I just talked to him," Hong Ki informs his hyung. "But I have to warn you both. He's bringing with him a little surprise."
"Bo?" Keun Suk and Shin Hye ask in unison.
Hong Ki gives them a toothy smile, eyebrows dancing excitedly.
~0o0~
Hong Ki, sitting opposite Yong Hwa and beside his Keun Suk-hyung, stares at Yong Hwa with a malicious smirk on his face. Keun Suk shakes his head slowly, suppressing a knowing smile. Undaunted, Yong Hwa meets their stares squarely, trying to be smug and shy at the same time which Shin Hye finds endearing. She throws Sukkie and Hong Ki a warning stare, chiding them with her eyes, then shifts her focus on the lovely face that is smiling timidly at her across the table, beside Yong Hwa.
"If I had known I would meet you today, SeoHyun-sshi, I should have brought with me my SNSD CDs and ask you to sign them," Shin Hye says with a smile, her eyes dancing. Ah, so this is the surprise Yong Hwa brought with him. Well, I am surprised, indeed! "I am a big fan."
"Kamsahamnida, Park Shin Hye-ssi," Seo Hyun bows shyly. “It’s my pleasure to finally meet ANJELL. I’m a fan, too,” she says which draws laughter from everyone.
Hong Ki nearly chokes on his chapchae when he hears this.
She looks so innocent, Shin Hye notes. And witty.
"Call me Unnie, please," Shin Hye encourages her. Seo Hun bows again, grateful for the warm welcome.
"I am sorry for coming here uninvited, Shin Hye-unnie. Yong Hwa-oppa said he was meeting Keun Suk-oppa and Hong Ki-sshi for a drink. I didn't know it was a party for him," she explains, her words full of honorifics. She gives Yong Hwa an accusing stare which makes Shin Hye suppress a smile.
"Aniyo. This is for Yong Hwa as much as a small reunion dinner for all of us. The only reason we didn't invite you for this is because we weren't aware you are with him...for real," Shin Hye winks at Bolmae-Jung who beams proudly at her. The smug little rascal, she smirks.
“I thought you were just busy with work, Bolmae-Jung. It never crossed my mind that you would be busy…with someone,” she teases further, eager to make Yong Hwa squirm a little on his seat.
“Aigoo,” Seo Hyun sighs. “You really do call him Bolmae-Jung,” she exclaims.
“Now, she’s really a fan of the drama if she even knows our pet names!” Keun Seuk exclaims.
“Oh, I do,” Seo Hyun confirms. “Avant Hye,” she says, motioning to Shin Hye.
“Hong Star,” she points at Hong Ki. “Renai-jang,” she refers to Keun Suk.
Yong Hwa claps his hand proudly. “Way to go, Hyun,” he smiles, giving her a pat on the back.
“Yong-oppa told me about it,” Seo Hyun sheepishly confesses. “I really feel sorry to be an intruder tonight. I know you haven’t seen each other for a long time. I really didn’t know about this.”
“Kenchana,” the three of them assure her. “We love having you here. This is a wonderful surprise,” Shin Hye gives her a smile.
"I didn't know it, too. I swear," Yong Hwa reassures Seo Hun softly which earns him a loud snort from Hong Ki. "Shin Hye-yah, komawoyo for this. I didn't even know that you remember my birthday. But here you are, planning a party for me. Ah, I am so happy my heart is bursting right now."
Hong Ki and Sukkie both let out a loud yelp, springing out from their seats. They exchange high-fives, laughing hysterically at their friend. "Yaaaahhh!"
"My heart is bursting right now," Hong Ki imitates him, clutching his heart with his face turned forlornly at Sukkie. They cringe at the same time. "How mushy can you get, you rotten punk!" Hong Ki exclaims.
Yong Hwa throws a fish fry at Hong Ki who deftly catches it with his hand before popping it in his mouth. "You're just jealous, bastard," he quips.
"Does sajangnim know about this?" Hong Ki asks with an evil glint in his eye, referring to FnC's (CN Blue and FT Island's company) president. "Sajangnim, yoboseyo? De, this is your favorite talent calling. I have to report a crime," he playfully calls on his phone.
Shin Hye sees how Seo Hyun's eyes grew big and how anxiety momentarily clouds her clear eyes. "Ya, stop it, Hong Ki. You're scaring Seo Hyun."
Four pairs of eyes shift on Seo Hyun and she blushes. "Aniyo," she laughs nervously."Lee SooMan sajangnim doesn't know this, too. So we're even," she quips matter-of-factly which makes everyone laugh.
Sukkie shakes his head, chuckling. He gives Yong Hwa a loud high five. "I have to give it to you, buddy. Your courage among idols is very, very commendable. It is legendary."
"You're bringing idol dating to a higher level, my friend," Hong Ki concedes. "Why didn't they consider me for WGM, darn it!"
"Because you're still young and immature. You can't handle a marriage yet," Yong Hwa rubs it in.
"And you do?!" Hong Ki snaps back at him. "Seo Hyun-sshi, I'm sorry but you made a terrible mistake. He's a faker, this one. He may appear to be shy and timid but he is really not. He talks like-"
"He talks like an ahjumma? Yes, I notice that, too. He loves telling stories so much that sometimes he reminds me of my omma with his nonstop talking," Seo Hyun volunteers innocently.
Shin Hye lets out a little scream. "Omo! You notice that, too? And you are not yet running away?" she asks teasingly.
"Run SeoHyun run!" Hong Ki chants, dodging another fish fry from Yong Hwa.
"He is funny and he makes me laugh," Seo Hyun points out, as if to explain why she is staying put. Yong Hwa looks at her wistfully, a little smile on his lips and a lot of appreciation reflecting in his eyes.
Shin Hye catches the tenderness of the gaze Yong Hwa is giving Seo Hyun and she sighs. It was such a private moment that she felt like an intruder gawking at them. She instinctively let her eyes roam towards the person beside her and catches Sukkie's eyes looking back at her. They exchange knowing glances.
Sukkie reaches out to hold her hand under the table, squeezing it tightly. Her heart lurches unexpectedly. Ah, there, she has her own piece of heaven, too, see?
Hong Ki lets out a gagging sound, breaking the spell in the room. "Where is Hee Chul hyung when I need him?! Get me out of this hell, please!" He begs as he dials a number on his phone.
"He's on air right now, I think," Sukkie informs him. "And stop whining, you brat. Go get a girl for yourself. But grow up first, will you?"
Yong Hwa lets out a guffaw. "Hong Ki-yah, mianhe," he says with a smile, belying the sarcasm in his voice."I didn't mean to bring Seo Hyun along to spite you. Believe me," he promises with a smirk. "It's just that we were really planning to go out tonight to celebrate our birthdays together. Her birthday is on the 28th," he informs his friends.
"Sinchia?" Shin Hye asks Seo Hyun who nods at her in return.
"So I brought her with me tonight. This is the only free time we got before I fly to Japan later this week for our shows. I didn't know you guys planned this for me."
"You have to thank Shin Hye for this," Sukkie says. "She says we ought to throw you a party to make up for not being there with you when you were hospitalized. I hope you understand, I am always overseas and Shin Hye is filming a movie now.And you gotta admit, your schedule is really a killer. It is so hard to book an appointment to see you."
“And you never ever call,” Shin Hye can’t resist to chime in.
“Mianhe, Shin Hye-ya. I…you know, the life of an idol,” he looks at Hong Ki for some help. Hong Ki gives him a sad face then burst out laughing. Yong Hwa kicks him on his shin.
“Hey, I know, you’re busy. I’m just joking,” she gives Seo Hyun a smile. “I’m sorry you have to put up with this. We just haven’t seen this guy for…what, 6 months?”
“We were just worried when we heard the news that you were sick and we can’t make a visit,” Keun Suk says. “I mean, wow, you’re starting early with the faint spells, huh? Just debuted and you’re driving yourselves crazy already.”
"Kenchana, hyung. It's okay, we are all busy. And I was not allowed to have visitors anyway. Even Hyun was not allowed to get near me," he explains.
"But you are fine now, right? Your voice sounds normal to me. Can you idols please stop fainting one after the other? You are giving me the creeps," Shin Hye asks, a little concerned.
"My singing voice is still a little strained. The doctors said I ought not to sing for a while. But how could I not sing?! It's like telling me not to breathe."
"But you can let Jong Hyun sing the vocals for now and just concentrate on the guitar for a while," Seo Hyun interjects, speaking her mind. "He's so stubborn. He feels he needs to do everything," she tells his friends.
"But I am the leader, Hyun," Yong Hwa calmly answers her, his eyes begging to be understood. "I need to be responsible for them. I need to show them that I will not abandon them no matter what."
"Even at the expense of your own health?" Shin Hye reacts for Seo Hyun, seeing how the latter's face is now clouded with worry. "Come on, Yong Hwa. Your voice is your passport to success. Without it, you will not have everything -- your members, your band, your dreams. So take care of it. Make it your priority."
Hong Ki nods in agreement. "She's right, you fool. Take it from me. Don't sacrifice yourself too much. Take care of yourself. In this industry, you're the only who can do that for you. Everyone else thinks you are a machine."
"Step on the brakes, sometimes. Learn how to say no and mean it," Sukkie adds.
Yong Hwa looks at his friends' faces and smile gratefully, then he takes a jab at them. "Ya, look who's talking now? You are all my sunbaes and you all have fainted at one point in your career, right? I want to experience that, too!" he jokes, earning him a quick swat at the head from Sukkie.
"Well, not me. I haven't fainted due to exhaustion or fatigue even once," Seo Hyun muses out loud. "And that's because I am stubborn when it comes to my health. You, oppa, have to be stubborn for the right reasons. Not the wrong ones," she wags a finger at him.
Sukkie chuckles out loud, amused by their exchange. "Seo Hyun-sshi, you vaguely remind me of someone I know," he throws Shin Hye a meaningful look. "Someone who loves to order me around and someone who I just cannot win over no matter how I try."
"De?" the ever innocent Seo Hyun asks, her eyes curiously eyeing Yong Hwa to help her figure out what Sukkie is saying. Yong Hwa playfully averts his gaze from her, refusing to indulge her curiosity.
Shin Hye blushes at Sukkie's words.
Hong Ki snorts out loud. "Oh, do I really have to put up with you the entire night?! What did I do in my previous life to deserve this?!” He asks to no one in particular as he scoops a plate full of food from the table, retreats in a corner chair at the opposite side of the room and puts on his headphones.
“Hong Ki-yah, saranghae!” Shin Hye calls out to him playfully and he makes a heart gesture with his hands, then throws her a grimace. “Leave me alone with my nosebleeds!” he says with a straight face.
And it is true. The nosebleeds he gets from memorizing Japanese songs have never sounded more appealing.
Ah, but he is with his friends and they are happy. That’s all that matters for now.
Remember Go Mi Nyu? The innocent novice who chopped her hair off for her twin brother? I love that girl. That's why I have always been on Team Mi Nyu more than on Team Mi Nam. :)
Bets
"No answering personal questions about us...no looking at each other while singing Still,no hand-holding..." Keun Suk throws her a look, his brow arching up. "No smiling giddily like a crazy fanboy," he chokes on his laugh. "You've got to be kidding me," he hisses to Shin Hye sitting smugly, legs crossed Indian-style, beside him on the floor. It is rehearsal night for their Japan Fan Meet and they have just finished doing their dance routine. Huddled on the floor, they are doing one of the activities they both enjoy and never tire to do -- bickering with one another.
Shin Hye looks at her oppa with a poker face. "You asked for a bet, I'm giving you one, Keun Suk-oppa."
"I asked to do something fun, not the impossible!" He reaches out a hand to wipe the sweat forming on Shin Hye's temples.
"What good is a bet, oppa, if you do things that are easy for you to do?" She argues, keeping her head still to let him finish wiping off her forehead with his towel.
"What is on stake here?"
"If you lose, you will piggy back me everytime we go out for a date, from your place to mine, for maybe a month," Shin Hye's eyes dilate excitedly, giddily savoring her impending victory. She has never disclosed this to Keun Suk but it has always been her secret fantasy to let him carry her on his back the Korean drama style. He never did the favor yet. Or at least, the opportunity never presented a chance for them yet. So maybe now is the perfect chance, she tells herself silently, congratulating herself with the brilliant idea.
"Ya, you're so heavy my back will probably collapse with the first few steps!" He mocks, feigning opposition to the idea.
She pouts."Stop being annoying, oppa. It's only a five-minute walk. Besides I have lost a few pounds these past few weeks, I won't weigh that much."
Keun Suk narrows his gaze at her. "And you talk like you're so sure I will lose the bet for real, huh?"
Shin Hye purses her lips then look at him squarely. "But I am sure, oppa. For real.Judging from your track record in the fan meetings you held so far, my piggy back ride is in the bag."
"And what's that suppose to mean?"
She smiles sweetly at him. "That come fan meeting, you will definitely hold my hand with yours onstage, in front of the fans. And oh, you will not worry at all that it will spark a scandal between us because you will conveniently refer to it as just a fan service to the fans. I'm quite sure that you will ask me to sing a song again with you acapella, and you better not start singing Promise, coz I still can't memorize the lyrics to that song until now. Don't even think about it."
"How about an English song, then?" he interjects and she pokes his ribs a little forcefully.
"You will have a field day making fun of me, I know and the shy girl that I am, I will probably just bow my head in embarrassment to your crazy antics," she continues.
"Aha. So this whole bet on whether I can restrain myself on revealing too much to the fans is really just a ploy to stop me from embarrassing you onstage, am I correct?"
"Of course not!"
He laughs out loud. "Liar! That guilty look on your face is saying it all."
"Are you afraid to lose?"
He shakes his head. "I am scared for your sake, Shin Hye. Ah, I can almost picture your face now and the fans' reactions when I will hold your hand as we sing the duet to Still," he pauses to look at her reaction. Her cheeks colored at the thought. "And I will never let go of that hand until the song ends," he continues, mightily proud of the effect of his words on her.
"Aissh! Why don't we just channel Hwang Tae Kyung and Go Mi Nam on that day, oppa? So you can just be prickly and aloof with me and leave me in peace."
"Then you will lose the bet," he warns. "And you will look like the fool to the fans."
She crinkles her nose. "Why so?"
"Because as Go Mi Nam, you will just be caught up in hiccups staring at me all day," he breaks out in a laugh at his own joke.
"Ya, oppa!" She protests. "I will be Go Mi Nyu that day," she says, her gaze looking far ahead. "Go Mi Nam was the foolish girl impersonating as a boy who fell in love with the bad guy, remember? But Go Mi Nyu...Go Mi Nyu was the real girl Tae Kyung fell in love with. His eyes were fooled but not his heart, see? She helped him put things into proper perspective.She was strong enough to leave him and give their love time and space to grow and for old wounds to mend. She was too confident of their love for each other that she was willing to leave him again to give herself a chance to explore the world around her and be her own person. Knowing fully well that he will be waiting for her to come back."
She shifts her eyes to him, her voice in a soft whisper. "Go Mi Nyu is the girl I want to be for Keun Suk-oppa. Not naive, foolish or immature. Just a little sensible, a little stronger, a little more grown up to keep these feelings real."
Keun Suk shakes his head slowly in disbelief. "I can't really win over you, can I? No matter how foolishly I try."
"Ahrasso, ahrasso. You can have your piggy back ride starting tonight!" he says, his face beaming as he gladly concedes to the girl who wants to be his real Go Mi Nyu.
I have started another fan fiction blog (here) to accommodate my growing inclination to write fan fics about South Korean stars/idols that catch my fancy one way or the other. Since this blog is entirely devoted for Sukkie and Shin Hye, I deemed it appropriate to just start another blog for other couples I ship/like, like, uhm, SeoHwa, BiKyo, GYEH, and some others that my friends like (I accommodate requests sometimes, depends on the bribe, haha!).
Yes, sometimes, I really pretend I don't have a life other than being a k-drama addict camping out in front of my laptop with chocolates and a bottle of Coke for company.
So if I don't update here, maybe I update there. Annyeong!
Just trying to answer some questions in this shipping heart of mine. Is it just fan service or not? Is JGS for real? Is he really that giddy? Is he seeing somebody? Cause smiles or drawings don't lie. Not even to promote a drama that has finished airing in 2009. And Korean showbiz is not known to market loveteams, right? So... what gives?
Wearing My Heart on My Sleeves
Shin Hye is still wary of me, I know and I can’t really blame her for that. If I were her, I would be, too. Especially in the situation we are in. I am with her but the whole world doesn’t know about it. I tell her I like her but I cannot even mention her name publicly without getting death glances from my management team. I know her intimately but I cannot even refer to her informally, always cautious to address her as Park Shin Hye-ssi, like she is just some stranger I met on the job and not the girl who is constantly on my mind every day.
She doesn’t trust me that much yet and I don’t take offense on that, either. She has a trusting heart and I know she trusts me as a person but not as the guy who can potentially break her heart anytime he wants to. You are just flirting with me, aren’t you, oppa? She asked me that the first time I tried to ask her out and I knew then that it would take some effort for me to win her heart. She is a sensible girl, always grounded, always seeing the world with her 20/20 vision and not in rose-colored glasses. And I admire her for that, I really do. She said she learned a lot about guys from her Appa and Oppa. For that reason alone, I have always wanted to treat her dad and older brother out for a round of soju and maybe let them teach me some tricks on how to deal with Shin Hye. But I am still mustering the courage to do that.
Contrary to popular belief (or my Eels’ beliefs), Jang Keun Suk doesn’t always get the girl in one snap of his finger or one flash of his smile. One concrete proof of that is Shin Hye. I did not get her to agree to date me that easily. No, not even when I have already kissed her a lot of times on-cam my lips practically knew hers already like family. Not when I flirted with her on set every chance I got, not when I repeatedly stole kisses from her, not when I let her boss me around and bicker with me like how I boss and bicker with Hong Ki. She said she thought I was just being friendly with her like I usually do with anyone. Like hell I did! I don’t let just anyone, or any girl, boss me around. I don’t let anyone get the last laugh over my own prank. I don’t waste my precious sleeping hours hanging around with a co-star. I don’t give my designer jacket to any girl just so she can cover her legs with it while sitting on a dusty stage. I don’t give back hugs to just anyone to say I am sorry for accidentally hitting them. I don’t lick cake icing off someone else’s finger everyday. I don’t take selca photos with anyone every time I am asked to.
I don’t normally drive to some girl’s house on winter nights and hang out there like a creepy stalker, waiting for the lights on her room to go off, send a text to say good night and drive off smiling goofily like the idiot I really had become. That is not me on lucid days. But I did that. I did all of those because of her.
Shin Hye said I won her over because of Omma. Omma likes her a lot she practically volunteered to help me woo Shin Hye. She is taming you, Keun Suk. That girl is keeping your feet on the ground and for that reason alone, I love her already, Omma loves to say. But I declined her offer, of course. My ego couldn’t let my mother court a girl for me. Ironically, however, it turned out that I would finally get the girl because of Omma anyway. Shin Hye told me she saw my sincerity through the fact that Omma heard a lot about her from me. You must really like me, oppa, for you to tell good things about me to your omma.
She is still clueless about how I really feel, isn’t she? I always ask myself that whenever I see her get surprised by little things I do for her like insisting to pick her up from her filming locations whenever I am free, deftly avoiding attention by using my friends’ cars and parking discreetly away from prying eyes. She always say that I really don’t need to risk attracting rumor-mongers by dropping her name in interviews or answering too honestly about her and me.
But I need to do that not just because I want her to believe that I am really serious about her, but also because that is what I really want to do. I want to wear my heart on my sleeves when it comes to her. I don’t want to bottle up my feelings any longer. If the world will know, so be it. If my fans will pick up on it and leave me because I am dating a girl for real, then so be it. The fans don’t own me and my feelings. I do. They don’t dicate who I want to like. My heart does. And my management be damned, but I will never let them confine me in a box and tie me up on a string like a puppet. They can package and re-package me for whatever they deemed fit for my career but they can never lay a hand on my private life. That is my non-negotiable.
My Asian Tour is a gift for my fans across Asia but it will also be my gift for you, I told Shin Hye before the tour kicked off to a start last January. I was still trying my best to get her to date me then and she was still trying her best to outwit my efforts. What do you mean, oppa? She was a little perplexed. Watch me, I answered with a mischievous smile.
From Seoul, to Taipei, to Beijing, Singapore and just recently, to Tokyo and Osaka, I did my best to return the love I am getting from my fans back to them. I am blessed to have their support and as an actor, I fully appreciate the love I am receiving from them. But unknown to these wonderful people, there is a special girl whose love I so want to reciprocate, whose heart I want to protect and cherish, whose happiness I want to sustain, and whose name always escapes my lips wherever I go.
In every fan meeting, I always look forward to that one special moment when the gods hear my fervent wish and grant me the chance to say her name in front of my fans. Park Shin Hye-ssi… Shin Hye... I gamely answer every question linking her to me, describing her as generously as I can, hoping my words do justice to the real person I came to love. The fans can dismiss that as just a fan service for the promotion of Minamishineyo which has been marketed to other Asian markets aside from Korea and Japan. And my management is thankful to have that as a smoke screen.
But Shin Hye knows better than that. Her amused, frantic, exasperated, giddy and surprised reactions at the end of every fan meet tell me that she knows the coded message I am trying to relay to the world.
That she is my yojachingu and I am her namjachingu.
